Monday 12 July 2010

I went away, I came back. These things happened.

UK NOISE CONFERENCE NUMBER TWO, SITUATED AT THE OLD BLUE LAST IN SOMEWHERE(1), LONDON AND THE STUFF THAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS:

Saturday July 10th, 2010
The train takes forever to get to London (2) because the driver kept forgetting they were driving a train. I arrived overdressed (3) at Old Blue Last too late to soundcheck, Girl Mountain had started but on account of all my moisture draining into my clothes and my skin being that what I done borrowed off a lizard I had to go and pour liquid in me and eat a VEGETABLE WRAP.

When I got back I think Juarez was playing and I enjoyed it, psychedelic-yes-it's-a-lazy-description-pop-drones, did the job for me. Due to being 2mg of caffeine away from a head-in-hands-rip-my-face-off panic attack I mostly paced and fretted and jumped up and down til I played and can't remember much of the day, except that BBBlood and Cementimental were as per usual, bloody ace - I think I saw other things but I really can't remember - I played and remembered that I need to get my metal zone fixed - it was a good show and I sweated and danced like a drunkard (4) and my glasses came off and I probably lost my fucking balance or something. One person said it was emo and meant it like a compliment, and somebody else said it was "funny"and I wasn't sure how to take that but I can get that people could find it funny. I don't, I'm absolutely shitting myself through every available orifice that isn't screaming through a series of low-quality instrument cables and tatty FX pedals with loose connections coming out of the wazoo. Played "Sweet Cataclysm" and "I needed a colossal feeling" off of the newie MEGA ZONE.

Anyway, that was all done and stuff and then Ashtray Navigations played but I was absolutely frazzled due to exhaustion, dehydration and (4), I couldn't really pay attention as my vision had gone orange or whatever. The magnificent Timothy Rossiter Drage was Djing some extra hyper grime, and a sick-as-yr-germspot doubletime Daft Punk remix and then we ALL HAD TO LEAVE which was a shame. Ferdie and I sat outside and were nerds.

Tim, myself and Ferdosour Rehman went to a godawful squat party that cost a fiver to dissapoint. We left and stood in the garden of another squat party that had just finished, where I found a fetching purple ladies' v-neck sweater. I have since claimed it as my own as it fits like a tube. It is awesome.

Ferdie purchased for me a falafel from a chip shop. It was disgusting and demeaning, but it was a meal. Then the day ended when I eventually died on the sofa at 5am in Ferdie's top-of-the-range biological warfare apartment (5) after he played me some of his chipstep, which was very very nice to listen to INDEED.

Sunday July 11th
Woke up at some kind of late o clock with FIVE new incurable diseases stuck to my face, my filthy checked shirt and filthy jeans now even filthier (6), Ferdie seemed genuinely upset when I declined his offer of chocolate cereal. After debating what actually constituted a hill, we ended up in the raddest of all places, SECOND LAYER RECORDS (See "hauls"). After a couple of hours of irritating Mark by having to know what everything ever sounds like, we went to a Vietnamese restaurant which I would recommend if I could remember what it was fucking called (7). £5.50 for an enormous chicken and noodle stew that fills you up for ever and makes you feel like you could eliminate Batman twice is always a good deal.

I went to Camden and stayed in a cheap backpacker's hostel (8), went to the ludicrously expensive odeon cinema to watch the new Shrek film in 3D. The film was good, but I found myself far too often trying to figure out how the 3D worked as both lenses were the same colour and I was trying to figure out the separation-to-depth ratio involved, but I think it was a fun film, I liked the exploding goose. Couldn't figure out if the whole thing was a metaphor for the drudgery of day-to-day existence or not. It was definitely anti-short-dude, which it should be.

Sat on the street so I could smoke, reading some Pratchett fun about wizards or whatever, then tried to sleep for three hours, then managed to sleep for four.

Monday, July 12th, 2010
Woke up at decent o clock, filthy clothes even filther, downstairs for BREAKFAST (hoorah) of cereal and just a bit too much toast.

Headed to Sounds of the universe, but bought nothing as I couldn't find anything I wanted to buy that I couldn't already get cheaper online or back here in Brissssswhatever, then to Magma, the art bookshop thinger, thumbed through a book which was a sweet little collection of autistic artists' (9) work, but the price meant I just settled for a David Shrigley book, and also 5-finger discounted a book by my favourite poet Tim Key (10).
Best part of the day was heading to the SCIENCE MUSEUM which always turns me into a light-speed total child of massive excitement.
Best quote of the weekend happened here, from a child stood next to me, looking at jars of "phobias" - "I fear nothing.... except Egyptians"... Sweet Jesus fantasticity.

Notting Hill next, Nothing Here, the place is horrible and everything costs 10000000000000 lira, I went to go to the smaller Rough Trade because it had been a while (see hauls again). Got a very very very delicious falafel, for a very very very undelicious price, especially for the size, though it did come with nice home-made lemonade. Found an Italian deli that did great coffee for one pound which cancelled it out.

Avoided smackheads, got on the train, now I'm here typing far too much bollock-ache.

EDIT: Oh, I also found an amazing and enormous cheese shop in Covent Garden, they let me try their DELICIOUS Sheep and Goat's blue cheeses. Wowie!

HAULS!

Just got round to getting this, from the days back when Math-Rock was still cool. I still like it, twisty and jerky metallic chugness with epic shiny leads. There's a 70s synthdrone track on here that would make the cool contingent wet themselves if you put it on a mixtape and told them it was OPN..


Superwarm keyboard drones from Jazzfinger dudes, creepy hot casio wailing like fucking the sun or something, I dunno, It's fucking good isn't it.


French spazmofrenchdronefolk sometimes. Androgynous voice. Made me feel like I was on a shitty fucked up wooden rowboat. Utterly wam miseryjoy.


(This is Master Musicians of Bukakke's TOTEM TWO)
Much like the first one, loads of sticky meandering drones and a couple of hot riffs, except this one's clearly a lot less rock and a whole bowl more Turkish, there's an absolutely killer heartbreakin' brassled tune near the end.


THAT'S IT BYE SORRY IT WASN'T ACTUALLY INTERESTING LIKE SCHOOL OR ANYTHING
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NOTESZ:
(1)Never sure if this is Hoxton or Shoreditch or Empty Stretch of Hell?
(2)3 sweaty godforsaken hours
(3)For some reason I got on the train in the sweltering heat wearing an unnecessary extra t shirt under my normal shirt..
(4)I smuggled my own whiskey in and drank just that one swig too much..
(5)My biological warfare apt dept is not top of the range. I just didn't want it to seem like a slant on Ferdie's living arrangements, as mine is the same quality of cleanth, but just smaller.
(6)Again, nothing to do with Ferdie's place, just to do with the fact that they were filthy anyway
(7)The first time I went here it just solidified my belief that fancy restaurants are a whore's pile of dog eggs, fuck all that; I am ALL-ABOUT-THE-PEASANT-FOOOOOOOD! I got so excited I punched the air and nearly punched an asshole with an ironic moustache. Shame I missed.
(8)Australians. ALWAYS 90% full of Australians. Don't other people have backpacks? I love the word backpack. It's so childish.
(9)Aurtists?
(10) Who dithers almost as much as me.

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